


I've Turned Into A Monster (I'm Sorry)

by Child_Of_Wonderland



Series: Bad Things Happen Bingo (Shadowhunters/The Mortal Instruments) [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally Hurt Magnus Bane, Hurt Alec Lightwood, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Bad At Titles, M/M, Magnus Bane Has Panic Attacks, Magnus Bane Needs A Hug, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-09
Updated: 2019-07-09
Packaged: 2020-06-25 01:43:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19735819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Child_Of_Wonderland/pseuds/Child_Of_Wonderland
Summary: When Magnus has a bad day, the last thing he expects is for it to turn even worse when Alec gets home. He doesn't mean to lash out but he does and Alec is left trying to heal and pick up the pieces.(I suck at summaries, sorry)





	I've Turned Into A Monster (I'm Sorry)

**Author's Note:**

> I'm really bad at summaries, sorry!
> 
> Prompt #2 from Bad Things Happen Bingo: Accidentally Hurt by a Friend.

Magnus’s day had been filled with disrespectful clients barging into his house. The demands just got more and more outrageous as the day continues and by the time the last client leaves, Magnus just wants to scream. Really, the only good thing about losing his title as the High Warlock was being able to take clients again but today, it’s the worst possible thing. He knew he was not only highly qualified but also in high demand by many. But sometimes, clients just ruin his coolly crafted facade and cause anger to bubble over. The first couple clients weren’t bad, one was wanting some wards to protect herself from any attacks, the next was wanting a potion to heal a nasty cut his wife had gotten. Overall, simple and quite easy requests. It just got worse from there, starting when his third client of the day ignores the door and barges through, demanding to be serviced immediately. Magnus can feel the anger bubbling up through his veins and his magic responds to it. Sparks fly up from his fingertips and Magnus swipes his hand to the side, knocking the lamp off the table by the door. It shatters loudly as it hits the ground just by the door but Magnus doesn’t even flinch. The door flies open and Alec comes in quickly, looking around frantically with his bow drawn. Magnus turns, his glamour flickering angrily as he meets Alec’s frantic and worried eyes. His magic is still responding violently and sparks are flying off wildly.

“Whoa, Magnus.” Alec raises his hands in a calming gesture, slipping his quiver off his shoulder and sets it against the bookshelf, “Calm down.” Magnus tenses and sends a fiery glare towards Alec before turning his back to him again. 

“You need to leave Alexander.” Magnus demands as he stares out the glass balcony doors and he refuses to turn around. Alec takes a step forward but Magnus holds up his hand, “Now.” 

“Magnus, talk to me?” Alec asks softly but stops when Magnus raised his hand. Magnus’s irritation grows and he turns suddenly.

“I said leave!” Magnus growls, sending his hands towards Alec hard enough to send him flying out the door and into the wall outside. Alec gasps out as he slides down the wall, groaning in pain as he tries to take a breath. Magnus freezes and the anger practically leaves him so quickly, he feels dizzy. He stares down at his hands in shock, blinking wildly as he stumbles back into the bar. Alec was hunched over, his legs sprawled in front of him as he gasps in an attempt to suck some air into his lungs. Magnus is looking at him in terror and taking short, sporadic breaths. He hurt Alexander. Alec pushes up against the wall, blinking widely at Magnus before making his way into the apartment. Magnus shakes his head rapidly and Alec slows, pausing instead in the doorway. He leans against the doorframe and watches Magnus who is standing at the door.

“Magnus? Can I come in?” Alec requests in a calming, reassuring voice and keeps his hands in front of him so Magnus can see them. From where Alec is standing, he can see Magnus’s legs shaking and trembling against the bar. Magnus shakes his head rapidly and slides down on the floor, his breathing coming in rapid, short gasps.

“Do you want me to leave?” Alec asks again, trying to find some way to calm down the warlock, “I’m not mad okay? Call me if you need something please?” Alec groans a bit as he moves from the doorframe and bends to retrieve his quiver and bow. Magnus can tell the movement hurts the shadowhunter and it just makes his heart race faster, the guilt growing as Alec straightens out. Another soft noise of pain escapes the boy as he did so and Magnus wants to say something but it hurts to even breathe. Magnus reaches out towards Alec and lets out a soft, broken sound when Alec flinches back from him. A look of guilt spreads across Alec’s face and that just makes it worse for Magnus.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” Alec whispers and flees the loft before Magnus can say another word. Magnus’s chest hurts as he tries to take in a long breath but it breaks into a mix between a sob and a gasp. He hurt Alexander. Oh Raziel, he hurt Alexander. Magnus looks down at his hands again and watches them shake slightly as he falls back against the bar. How could he hurt Alexander. The door opens again but Magnus is too distracted to pay attention. Familiar steps make their way towards where Magnus is sitting and Alec kneels down in front of him. A soft groan comes out but Alec doesn’t seem to care as he reaches towards Magnus.

“No!” Magnus shouts, scurrying backwards away from Alec and ignores the sad look that Alec had sent his way. Magnus is gasping for air desperately and he’s starting to feel a little bit lightheaded. 

“Magnus, Magnus you need to calm down.” Alec begs desperately, slowly making his way towards Magnus, “Come on, try to take a deep breath okay?” Magnus tries to take a deep breath but it breaks off into another sob. The sound breaks Alec’s heart and he reaches towards his boyfriend but stops when Magnus shakes his head.

“Come on, try again? You need to breathe.” Alec pleads and Magnus tries again, the air burning his lungs as he inhales desperately. The air splutters out before he can enjoy the feeling of air in his lungs.

“Good. Try again Magnus.” Alec reassures and exaggeratedly makes a show of taking a deep breath, holding it before letting it out. Magnus follows his show, closing his eyes tightly as Alec rubs a hand up and down his back.

“Alec.” Magnus chokes out, unable to say much more than the single syllable and Alec nods his head. He moves into Magnus’s sight line, grimacing at the way the awkward position sends pain through the bruise that is undoubtedly decorating his back.

“I’m here.” Alec promises and Magnus blinks at him with glassy, sad eyes. A small choking sound comes from Magnus and Alec gently reaches a hand forward, giving Magnus the option to touch him. Magnus grasps his hand as if it’s his lifeline as another sob leaves Magnus and the warlock reaches for the shadowhunter with his other hand.

“I’m so...I’m so sorry Alexander.” Magnus chokes out and Alec continues to rub a comforting hand up and down Magnus’s back. 

“It’s okay Magnus. You didn’t mean to.” Alec reassures, squeezing Magnus’s shoulders to try and reassure him. Alec’s back is still aching and hurts but he can’t really bring himself to care right now. 

“No, no it’s not. I’m sorry. I hurt you.” Magnus gasps out and another sob breaks through Magnus’s pressed lips. His glamour is still down and the gold of his eyes are shining with unshed tears. 

“I’m okay, I promise.” Alec promises and Magnus blinks, pulling himself away from Alec suddenly. He’s looking at Alec with wide-eyes and shakes his head as if that would clear the thoughts that came to his head.

“Let me see.” Magnus pleads and Alec freezes, looking at Magnus with an unsure look. 

“Magnus, I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Alec replies in a quiet voice and Magnus shakes his head, giving Alec a begging look. 

“Please Alexander.” Magnus begs and Alec sighs before nodding reluctantly. His face contorts into a pained expression as he lifts his arms up to slip his shirt off. Magnus’s face turns into a guilty expression as he takes in the discoloration on Alec’s back. A manicured hand runs over the bruises and Alec grimaces as Magnus accidentally pushes down on a particularly painful area of the bruise.

“Oh Alexander. I’m so sorry…” Magnus chokes as he stares at the dark bruise. It covers most of his back and is darkest around the middle of his spine, undoubtedly causing pain every time Alec moves.

“Magnus, it’s okay.” Alec turns and bites his lip to prevent the pained frown that may come out, “Stop looking at it Magnus.” Alec reaches for his shirt but Magnus stops him, staring at him with guilt-filled eyes. Magnus closes his eyes for a long moment and when he opens them back up, his glamour is firmly in place.

“Can I try to heal you?” Magnus asks softly and briefly reaches towards Alec’s cheek but stops his hand, letting it hover in front of him. Alec reaches forward and grabs Magnus’s hand, squeezing it reassuringly before cupping Magnus’s own cheek.

“You’re exhausted, I can just use an iratze. It’s okay Magnus.” Alec comforts him and Magnus shakes his head frantically with a begging look.

“Please, let me help. This...this is all my fault. Let me help you.” Magnus begs and Alec looks a bit anxious but nods his head slowly. Magnus waves his hands and watches as Alec tense shoulders relax as the bruise starts to fade and disappear. Alec relaxes into Magnus’s magic, letting it heal up the bruises and take away the pain.

“Thank you Magnus.” Alec sighs in relief, leaning his head against the bar as he stretches his back and is thankful for the lack of pain.

“Don’t you dare thank me.” Magnus demands, “It’s my fault in the first place.” Magnus stands up and backs away from Alec again, afraid he was going to hurt him again. Alec rises and follows after him immediately, looking desperate for Magnus to stop moving away.

“Please, don’t blame yourself. Yeah, I got hurt. But Magnus that happens everyday, I’m not mad.” Alec promises as he wraps his arms around Magnus’s shoulders, holding the warlock close as he trembles against Alec’s chest.

“That doesn’t make it any better! It’s not just some demon that hurt you, it was me!” Magnus cries, pushing back from Alec’s arms to stand in front of him. He’s angry at himself, not at Alexander but he doesn’t know how else to react, “This is all my fault! How can you even stand to be around me when I’m a…when I’m a monster?” Magnus’s hands are shaking as he tries not to cry out or rush away from Alec again. It hurt to know that no matter how hard Magnus tried, he’d always be a monster. And he tried hard, everyday, to be the man that deserves to be loved by Alec. To not be a monster. Magnus blinks his eyes and shakes his head, trying to chase away the thoughts as Alec moves into his sight. Magnus turns his face away, hiding away from the other as best he could without turning around fully.

“Magnus. You accidentally lost control, I pushed and I shouldn’t have.” Alec starts but Magnus whirls on so suddenly it causes Alec to stop talking almost immediately. Magnus looks angry again but Alec isn’t sure if it’s just because he’s reading into it or not.

“Don’t you dare. Don’t you dare blame yourself Alexander.” Magnus spits angrily and he looks at Alec as if he had just said the worst thing possible, “You did  _ nothing _ wrong. Nothing at all.” Alec glances down, looking slightly guilty as he stares at his hands instead of Magnus.

“I’m sorry.” Alec whispers and Magnus shakes his head, reaching out to tilt Alec’s head up so they were looking eye to eye.

“Alexander, please. Do not apologize for this. I’m the one who should apologize. I’m the one who hurt you, I’m the one who could have accidentally killed you. I’m a monster. You shouldn’t be with me, I’m a demon. A monster.” Magnus rambles but Alec shushes him, pressing a finger to Magnus’s mouth. Magnus looks at Alec with wide, broken eyes that cause Alec’s heart to break into a million pieces.

“You are not a monster Magnus. Not at all.” Alec promises and Magnus shakes his head as soon as Alec started to speak, “Hey, no. Magnus, you’re not. You are not a monster.” Alec repeats quietly and Magnus shakes his head again. Alec stops him by cupping his cheek, placing a small and loving kiss to his cheek.

“I love you Magnus.” Alec assures before wrapping his arms around Magnus and holding him close, letting Magnus hide his face into Alec’s chest, “Please, you are not a monster. It was an accident. It was a mistake, an accident. Look at me.” Alec puts Magnus at arms length, forcing Magnus to take a look at Alec. Magnus hesitantly looks at him up and down before finally meeting Alec’s eyes with an anxious look.

“Magnus I am perfectly fine. I am safe, okay, and happy. I’m with you, I’m right here. You are not a monster, you are not a bad person. It was an accident, you didn’t mean to.” Alec comforts, running a hand up and down Magnus’s arm. Magnus looks at Alec with a broken look and can’t help but lean back into Alec’s shoulder, feeling safe when Alec wraps his arms around him.

“Why did you come back?” Magnus questions as Alec leads the two of them towards the couch. Alec gently pushes Magnus down to sit, wrapping a blanket around his shoulders carefully before heading towards the door where the broken lamp still lies shattered.

“I couldn’t stand the idea leaving you like that, you were upset and it worried me.” Alec explains in a soft voice as he kneels down with a dustpan as he cleans up the broken glass, “Besides, I figured that it would be better to talk now rather than let it fester and let us overthink.” Magnus nods and looks over, watching Alec sweep up the broken ceramic and glass.

“You don’t have to do that. I could just magic it away.” Magnus offers but Alec waves him off, returning to brushing everything up into a dustpan, “Thank you Alexander, for coming back and for staying.” Alec drops the broken pieces in the trash before returning to Magnus, kneeling down in front of him so Alec can hold Magnus close. Magnus leans his head on Alec’s shoulder, turning his face into Alec’s neck.

“I’ll always stay Magnus. Come on, let’s get some sleep okay?” Alec offers and Magnus nods, letting the shadowhunter lead him slowly towards the bedroom. Alec slips Magnus’s jacket off, slowly takes off his rings and necklaces.

“I can sleep on the couch if you want?” Magnus offers but Alec shakes his head, running his hand down Magnus’s arm.

“No, no, no.” Alec interrupts as quickly as possible, pressing a kiss to Magnus’s hands, “I want to stay with you.” Magnus nods a bit eagerly, a small smile starting to pull at his lips. Alec replies with a small smile as well and lets Magnus pull him down into the bed as he magics their clothes into pajamas.

“Thank you Alexander.” Magnus gives Alec a sweet kiss before wrapping his arms around Alec and burying himself into the shadowhunter’s side, “I love you.” 

“I love you too Magnus.” Alec pulls Magnus as close as possible, trying to convey all the care and love that he possibly can.


End file.
